DO WE EFFECTIVELY ACCOMMODATE PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES?

The answer for the most part, in my personal experience, is no.

First and foremost I will say that the mental health problems I’ve experienced have been relatively minor with regards to the more serious disorders that many people deal with, and socially I believe space and precedence should be given to those who are truly unable to function within any form of prescribed societal expectations.

Given that it’s a spectrum, we all experience difficulties with mental health at some point of our life-whether it’s a bout of post-university depression or an anxiety issue due to overusing our smartphone.

There are however degrees by which these impediments affect daily life, and unfortunately psychological maladies often only get recognized if they somehow inhibit our ability to function productively.

This is another assertion I would like to make on the subject:

What we currently qualify as mental disability is too closely tied to our ability to be content and functional within a society that all too frequently causes it’s members to be dysfunctional and malcontent.

This makes it difficult to discern whether or not, in a more ideal world, if the broad spectrum of disorders that currently plague a large portion of the population would be significantly reduced and if not reduced, better treated and much less harmful to an individual’s overall happiness and well-being.

That being said, we have to compromise with the imperfect circumstances we are given. Although it is easy to place the blame on society (often rightfully), it is better to devote energy to ways in which a network of peers or a community can support one another to prioritize mental health as a reaction to the lack of services, resources, and awareness that exists for most.

We all have eccentricities, mental imperfections and quirks that distinguish us as individuals. It is only when fixations or mental malfunctions impede our social or work dynamics when we start to notice something is really wrong.

That shift really started for me in December of 2016 but became exacerbated and notably more obvious in October of 2017 when I had my first series of panic attacks.

I’ve always suffered on and off from the occasional phase of depression and mild anxiety. But after a bad drug experience in mid-summer, the combination of re-starting an intensive film program and working part-time intensified my anxiety and depression to a level unequal to any prior experience. On top of that, a particular unhealthy fixation-related partially to social media-was becoming more and more difficult to manage. Each anxiety, about performance at school and at work and in my social life in general became infused with one another. This increase in stress and pressure amounted to a breakdown involving stages of paranoia, delusional thoughts, and disassociation from healthy patterns of thinking and behavior. I was able to keep up with my studies and assignments. But my work life suffered and I lost two jobs within the course of four months because of my over-active brain was fear-ridden and unable to operate in a lucid and calm way. I was working relatively demanding customer service jobs that involved food prep etc, but these type of jobs had been manageable for me in the past, and it was truly awful to imagine that my mental condition might degrade to the point that that I wouldn’t even be stable enough even to support myself financially. This brings up another assertion however, which is that employers, generally speaking, once they take on an employee, should be more responsible with that employee’s health, instead of letting them go if they are showing any fluctuation in their abilities to perform their given tasks. This is a human problem, one of inter-human dependence, and compassion is always the solution, as opposed to the negligence and dis-involvement which is more commonly the case.

Have I had an episode of dissociation and self harm during which I’ve taken a full bottle of T-3’s and drunken a lot of alcohol and cut up my hands? Yes.

Have I experienced another such episode where I found myself sitting in an alleyway trying to sever my wrists with a broken beer bottle? Yes.

Have I overcome this more extreme time in my life by prioritizing positiveness and self-betterment? Yes.

My re-integration into a more “normal” mode of existence took a lot of patience, self-reckoning, and support.

I decided to enroll myself in therapy and began taking medication. After the school year was over, instead of travelling with my friends, I took time off everything except a part time job, and did exercise as well as acupuncture. In the course of the past year I have made life decisions and changes that have allowed me to live a more balanced and enjoyable life. I have also met certain individuals who have been gracious enough to bear some of the weight that I was carrying, while also showing me that I was deserving of love.

Many of us with fragile mental states and trauma forget the fundamental truth that we are valuable and deserving of love even if we are not able to be hyper-functional and composed in our daily lives. We also forget that even if an especially bad period leaves us feeling hopeless, there are going to be moments of recovery and healing that will allow us to recuperate and start over.

What has been so confounding and yet so beautiful about my struggle has been sharing my stories with others and finding out that so many of my friends, acquaintances, peers, who seem so put together on the surface also suffer with a lot of difficulty. This psychological pain however is often hidden internally — and often suppressed because of stigma or because they don’t want to seem week or vulnerable. The act of sharing has been a powerful tool for developing self-love. When we commiserate and find solidarity in shared experience, we are able to build compassion between each other which may have not been there before. That is why I wrote this piece. To share my experiences and to extend the opportunity for commiseration and compassion to the reader, to you.